When we don’t understand what’s normal, it’s easy to assume there’s something wrong with us, our partner, or our relationship. From there, it’s often a downward spiral to breakup or divorce. We see our partners in many different lights — from elegantly dressed for a special event to retching over the toilet bowl. Even over the course of a day or an hour, attraction can fluctuate, and that’s completely normal. Knowing this can alleviate much needless anxiety so that you don’t fall down the rabbit hole of “What’s wrong?” And if you didn’t have an infatuation stage, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed! Some people have it and others don’t, and there is absolutely no correlation between having an infatuation stage and the success of a marriage. The truth is that real love grows over time. Love begins as an empty garden that requires attention and care, and when it’s thoroughly watered and the weeds are pulled, the flowers will blossom over a lifetime. As such, it will activate every element of unshed grief, unattended fear, unfinished transition and it will bring to light the fear and false beliefs you’ve absorbed from your first blueprint and the culture about love. Knowing that the going is supposed to get rough can give you fortitude when you want to walk out the door. On the other hand, if you witnessed a marriage characterized by criticism, nagging, distance, arguing, or abuse, you’ll have to fight your template at every turn. It’s not easy work, but just because it’s work doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person. If you’re with a loving partner, the work is a sign that you’re pushing up against your dysfunctional or limited blueprint and it’s an invitation to create a new legacy of healthy partnership. Knowing this can help you weather these challenging years, while remembering how important it is to find time to nurture both yourself and the marriage, no matter how small. To receive a thorough relationship road map, check out her mbg video course, How to Have the Greatest Relationship of Your Life. And if you’re struggling with sexual desire and body image, consider her course Sacred Sexuality: A 40-Day Course for Women to Heal Body Shame and Ignite Desire.
