So we asked experts what habits couples need to make a long-distance relationship work, no matter the miles. Even if the two of you text frequently, you still want to schedule dedicated date nights to look forward to. “Whether it’s a multi-hour phone call, watching a movie together, or a night of following along with a funny crafting video on YouTube,” sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray tells mbg, “having a weekly date night does a lot to help you maintain a sense of normalcy and connection.” In addition to scheduling when you’ll be visiting each other periodically, schedule in weekly quality time together between visits. “Remember to really share and consult with each other, console each other, and keep the conversation going on in-depth,” she says. Talk about things like your goals, dreams, obstacles, and challenges. Give your partner the opportunity to support you through your day-to-day life and in the crafting of your future, and similarly be there for them. Gray adds, “Everyone wants to feel like they’re a priority, and they deserve your full attention. Instead of calling them when you’re walking down the street and giving them a prime view of your nostrils, call them when you’re indoors with all distractions removed.” Everything you’d usually make sure to do in a relationship? Do it extra. Practice extra-good communication and give them extra attention, sweetness, and thoughtfulness. Considering all the distance between you, you should always be going the extra mile, figuratively. Every couple’s sex life is different, so figuring out what you both like and what works for you while you’re apart is important. “Have a list of what you can do to keep the sexual and intimate spark alive long-distance,” Neo says, “and do it!” Many couples naturally drift apart due to lack of effort and attention, and long-distance relationships are particularly susceptible. If you really want your long-distance relationship to succeed, it’s important to make sure you’re growing as a couple and deepening your connection over time. Where is this going? What can you do to make sure you’re moving forward? But the beauty of long-distance relationships is that you can cultivate connection that’s solely based on going deeper and deeper with your conversations. When we’re not physically together, it can actually be easier to open up, Page says. “Sometimes the gift of separateness allows us to share more deeply than we might otherwise. You can deepen the romance through your communication, share sexual fantasies, and be more vulnerable.” So go in deep. Ask more thoughtful questions than, “How are you?” Find new ways to share new parts of yourself with each other. “Of course, make the right time and space,” Neo says. “Invite your partner into a discussion by saying, ‘Recently I’ve been feeling ___, and I’d like to talk about it with you. What do you think?’ (You don’t want to make them feel ambushed.)” “One of the best things you can do in a long-distance relationship is to figure out when you’ll no longer be apart,” Gray says. “The lack of physical touch becomes that much more bearable when you both have your finger on the pulse of when this phase will come to an end.”
