This June, people across the country have collective action and activism more top of mind than ever. After weeks of demonstrations against racism and police violence, the scale of communal dedication to active allyship feels revolutionary—and we’re just getting started. We reached out to LGBTQ+ mental health experts, activists, content creators, and business owners to share concrete actions that anyone can take to support LGBTQ+ people. Here’s what they told us: “Don’t be ashamed if you don’t know everything already; just make sure you take the time to educate yourself. This could also include paying someone to educate you, attending workshops, reading LGBTQ+-competent books, etc.” Needham recommends actively introducing yourself using your pronouns when you meet new people, particularly in group settings. That might sound something like: Hi, I’m Kelly, and my pronouns are she/her. It can also be helpful to include your pronouns in your social media bios, email signatures, and anywhere else you’re introducing yourself. The idea is to make it normal to not assume people’s pronouns, which makes it easier and safer for trans and gender-nonconforming people to make sure their correct pronouns are being used. “Give people the choice to share their pronouns,” adds Kenya Crawford, LMHC, mental health counselor and co-founder of On the Mend. “Everyone may not feel comfortable sharing their pronouns in every space. For example, ‘My pronouns are she/they. If you feel safe, feel free to share your pronouns.’” Most women don’t “prefer” to use she/her pronouns, for example. Those are just their correct pronouns. This same principle applies to people of all genders. “While having a basic understanding of identities like ‘gay,’ ‘pansexual,’ and ’nonbinary’ is important, these stock definitions are like a ZIP code; they give you only a general idea of someone’s experience,” they explain. “Every person has their own experience of ‘gay,’ ‘pansexual,’ ’nonbinary,’ or any other identity. The real work is not in memorizing dictionary entries but in building trusting relationships with LGBTQ folks who will feel safe to share their experience with you.” Two people might use the same word to describe their identity and have very different definitions of what that word means to them. That doesn’t necessarily mean either person is using it “wrong.” “Operate from good faith, and assume good faith,” Valentin says. “We’re all in this together.” “True allyship involves structural change and resource reallocation. So, if you’re looking to be an ally this Pride season, give money to trans people (there are endless surgery GoFundMes), trans media (e.g., Gender Reveal and Queersplaining), and trans organizations like the Sylvia Rivera Law Project and Trans Lifeline.” Kahn adds, “Many LGBTQ+ orgs need volunteers and donations. A one-time donation is a fantastic gift. An even better gift is a recurring monthly donation so that organizations can count on your money every month and use it to continue their work.” “Any corporation who is using a rainbow logo or any corporation who is doing any type of Pride stuff or if you’re a coffee shop and you’re making a rainbow latte and you’re selling it, you’re essentially making money off this community,” Bethany C. Meyers, LGBTQ+ activist and founder of the be.come project, told mbg in an interview last year. “Therefore money should be given back to the community.” In the U.S., the Supreme Court is currently debating whether it’s legal to fire someone for being trans and whether it’s legal to ban trans people from serving in the military. “Transgender Americans seek the same opportunities as everyone else—to work hard in school or at our jobs and to participate in our communities,” says Nicolas Talbott, one of the plaintiffs in Stockman v. Trump, a federal lawsuit opposing the trans military ban. “As someone who’s been told I can’t pursue my dream career in military service even though I’m qualified, I know how important it is for allies to treat transgender employees and co-workers with the same respect as everyone else and to make work decisions based on skills and accomplishments, not who we are. In Ohio, where I live, there aren’t statewide protections for LGBTQ people, so if allies don’t step up to support me, I could be fired just because I’m transgender, regardless of my ability to do the job.” Voting and civic engagement are one of the most important ways to support trans people: Vote out politicians who support discriminatory laws against trans people, and call up your local officials to demand they push forward legal protections for trans rights. “For those with the financial means to do so, donating money to LGBTQ causes that center the needs of transgender women of color can have a major and direct impact on people’s lives. While national organizations supporting the LGBTQ community do important work, money donated to these groups does not always make it to the most marginalized members of the community,” Malina explains. “Do research to see which groups in your community are led by and serve trans folks of color, and contribute however you can!” Crawford also emphasizes the importance of calling out your friends and family if you hear them making transphobic comments: “Protect Black trans women by calling out transphobia within your community. Use your voice to educate and advocate.” You can also donate to black trans funds such as The Marsha P. Johnson Institute. Avoid words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” when talking about other people’s relationships too, says Crawford, unless you know those are the terms they use. Otherwise, spring for a gender-neutral label like “partner.” “Every queer person is different, and we all have different languages of apology, so I don’t speak for everyone. I do think it’s fair to say that, generally, we don’t want to hear excuses or explanations, and we don’t want a self-flagellating apology that puts us in a position to soothe straight or cis people. The best method is typically to apologize, correct yourself, move on, and do better in the future. If you need to process your mistake, or want to learn ways to do better, do NOT ask the person you have harmed. Go to someone you know is a great ally or a professional who you can pay to help you with that work. It isn’t a queer person’s job to educate you.” “Being out is not a simple decision for a lot of folks, and this is not a choice you can make for someone else,” says Kahn. Khan adds, “Being an ally is an action, not a title. It’s not something you are. It’s something you do. Don’t let your allyship begin and end here. Keep growing, learning, and fighting!” With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
