Then I discovered I was invisible to myself, and that others were simply treating me the way I was treating myself. Here are four ways I started to see myself again—and got others to see me too. Are you focused on being nice to others rather than being loving towards yourself? There’s nothing wrong with being a nice person, of course—except when your niceness has an agenda attached. If you’re trying to gain other people’s approval by being nice, then your niceness is a form of control, and will likely backfire.