There are four basic types of relationships: family relationships, friendships, acquaintanceships, and romantic relationships. Other more nuanced types of relationships might include work relationships, teacher/student relationships, and community or group relationships. Some of these types of relationships can overlap and coincide with one another—for example, two people can be both work colleagues and close friends. There are also many variations within each category, such as codependent friendships, sexless marriages, or toxic family members. Not everyone agrees on what level of commitment is implied when two people say they’re “dating.” Some people only use the term when there’s already a defined, committed relationship in place, whereas others use the term to mean they’re simply exploring to see if there’s relationship potential. In traditional monogamous relationships, being in a relationship also means that a couple will be romantically and sexually exclusive—that is, they won’t have any other romantic or sexual partners other than each other. In nonmonogamous relationships, exclusivity isn’t required. Marriage is one form of committed relationship wherein a couple publicly vows to stay together and forms a legally binding union. People in casual relationships usually do like each other and are attracted to each other, though there may not be an intense emotional connection or desire to deepen the connection. Whereas people in committed relationships may see each other as life partners, people in casual relationships may not be as integrated into each other’s lives. They typically won’t use terms like boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner. Generally speaking, situationships usually have more emotional involvement than a friends-with-benefits scenario but not the explicit romantic feelings and commitment of a committed relationship. While relationships without labels work great for some people, situationships can often happen because the two people aren’t on the same page about what they want or because there’s an assumption that the relationship will be short-term enough for it not to matter. Here are a few questions to ask each other to define the relationship: “People form commitments [and] expectations even without labels,” sex and relationship therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT, once told mbg. “Not talking about the terms of your relationship does not mean you don’t have one.” And remember: Defining the relationship does not necessarily mean you need to enter into a serious or committed relationship. Defining the relationship is simply about clarity. “Some people may choose not to label their relationship because they’re afraid of being tied down too quickly or in a place where they feel trapped,” relationship therapist Shena Tubbs, MMFT, LPC, CSAT-C, once told mbg. “However, one should understand that you maintain full autonomy of yourself in every relationship you’re in, and you are the one who is responsible for communicating what you need, what you want, and what you don’t want. So if you feel you’re at a place where you cannot (or don’t want) to date one person exclusively, that should be communicated to your partner so that [they] can make a decision about whether that works for them.” Here’s our full guide to DTR, or defining the relationship, plus a bunch of relationship labels to consider. With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
