Catfishing, aka online romantic fraud, is still alive and well these days. According to the U.S. Federal Trade Commission, online romance scams reported to the FBI tripled between 2012 and 2016, and the Better Business Bureau reports that Americans have reported losses of nearly $1 billion due to romance scams. One company that screens profiles for dating companies told the BBB that 500,000 of the 3.5 million profiles it scans every month are fake. These were the personality types most likely to fall for a catfish: “The scammer always acts empathetically and attempts to create the impression in the victim that the two are perfectly synced in their shared view of life,” the researchers write in the paper on their findings. “The declarations of the scammer become increasingly affectionate and…a declaration of love is made within two weeks from initial contact.” So if you fall into any of the above categories, it doesn’t hurt to make sure you take budding relationships slowly—and not just to avoid getting catfished! Rushing into relationships too quickly can generally be a recipe for disaster, exposing you to the risk of becoming emotionally dependent, getting attached to emotionally unavailable people, and other common relationship troubles. In her book Love Skills, marriage therapist Linda Carroll, LMFT, recommends all people in the earlier honeymoon stage of their relationship avoid trusting only their heart. “Beware of the fantasy of permanent bliss that this stage wraps you up in,” she writes. “That spectacular spike in feel-good neurochemicals can overpower common sense. … Take time to step back and observe your emotions and behaviors; ask yourself whether they’re objectively rational. Ask a trusted friend for a candid opinion about your relationship. Awareness is key.” Oh, and definitely don’t send money to a person you met online that you’ve never met in person before. Good rule of thumb! With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be. You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
