According to certified couples’ therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, while there’s “no numerical time window you can give for when exactly to date again after a divorce, future relationships tend to do better if you take some months—or even as long as a year—to really experience the loss of your marriage.” This is, in part, due to the time it takes to fully move on. “Even if you’re glad the marriage is over, there are still losses to grieve that may not be self-evident,” she notes—the loss of trust in your own romantic choices, for example. In this case, Muñoz says it’s important to get clear on whether you’re really ready, and that takes time. While it may seem easy and relieving to find a new someone to take your mind off things, this can inhibit the growth necessary to work through your divorce in a healthy way. Muñoz calls it “emotional and psychological multitasking.” If you’re feeling compelled to date while still going through divorce proceedings, she says it’s ultimately better to seek the support of trusted, nonromantic people in your life, like friends, family, or a therapist. It’s also important to be aware of your motivations, she says. “Are you looking for a boost? Friends with benefits? To have your faith in love reaffirmed? To distract yourself from pain?” Whether with someone else or just yourself, reflection about what you’ve been through, the divorce, and where you’re at now will help you gain clarity. Reflect with trusted, nonjudgmental friends, a coach or therapist, and/or through regular journaling, Muñoz suggests. “Work through the emotions that belong to your past relationship.” Short answer? Yes! But it takes work (like any relationship). “People do it all the time—but people reenact the destructive patterns from their painful past relationships all the time, too,” Muñoz notes. “After I divorced, I found the love of my life, but I didn’t know he was the love of my life until we began doing the work to become healthier, more interdependent adults.” She adds, “I don’t actually believe there’s such a thing as ‘finding’ true love. You can ‘find’ an affinity for someone, an attraction, but true love is consciously created.” A divorce is not an easy thing, and dating afterward isn’t something to take lightly. But with a degree of self-awareness, conscious intention, and a touch of confidence, anyone can find love on the other side. RELATED: The Best Dating Apps In 2022, Based On What You Want
