If you’re dating someone who was recently cheated on, here are some do’s and don’ts to keep in mind, according to psychologist Karin Anderson Abrell, Ph.D.: Depending on how frequently these anxieties rear their head, Abrell says to find ways to show compassion while also standing your ground. It never feels good to have a partner doubt your integrity, so she suggests letting them know that just as much as you want them to trust you, “you also need to trust that they are being fair to you, seeing you for who you are, and not projecting onto you what happened to them.” Abrell suggests preparing a sort of script, or at least bullet points, of the things you’d like to say. For example, “I love you, and I want this to work. I know we’re two people who bring our pasts to this relationship, and we have to move beyond some of the experiences we’ve had that may cloud our ability to see each other with clarity.” If the problem persists, seeking the guidance of a professional could be helpful. You could gently suggest something along the lines of, “I know this has come up a few times, and it’s clearly bothering you. I don’t know what else I can do to reassure you, so maybe you could talk to someone about it.” You could also try a session or two of couples’ therapy, Abrell adds.
