It’s not like you don’t want to be there for them, but you sometimes find it tough to connect with others. It’s not easy to access the inner workings of your emotional world—in those moments, you instead tend to shut down and disengage. Emotional detachment can be a normal, voluntary strategy to set clear boundaries. Like most things in life, balance and moderation are key. However, it can evolve into a negative response if the continual disengagement prevents you from being able to meaningfully share space and connect with others. If you struggle with emotional detachment, it’s likely you have difficulty maintaining relationships in your life. Being unable to openly express empathy and the full context of your emotions may prove to be an ongoing theme in your life. Ziskind notes people with emotional detachment often blame themselves for their inability to authentically connect with others, but it’s often not their fault. When used in unhealthy ways, emotional detachment is at its core a coping mechanism designed to keep people at a distance so you feel safe—even at the cost of being numb. “I see this often in clients with a history of trauma and neglect,” trauma therapist and licensed clinical social worker Canh Tran, LICSW, tells mbg. “You learn to dissociate or disconnect from your feelings and bodies to survive these adverse and traumatic experiences—because it would have been too painful to experience them.” In the face of ongoing neglect, stress, or abuse, emotional detachment can correspond to attachment disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), or past instances of trauma. Although it’s not listed in the DSM, emotional detachment can also reveal itself as a symptom of a mental health condition or from the use of certain medications like antidepressants. Ziskind recommends working on self-care activities and self-love skills, which can help address emotional detachment and rebuild a strong relationship where it matters the most: with yourself. This can happen with yoga, painting, art therapy, and animal therapy. Leaning on these practices helps facilitate a connection to your sense of self and helps you grow conscious of the triggers that cause detachment in the first place. For insight into your emotional detachment, understanding these pain points is crucial so you can choose a healthier response that serves you better and increases vulnerability. Once you’re able to let in your emotions, Ziskind says the next step is to do a grounding technique to bring your mind and body back to the present moment. This can come in the form of positive affirmations such as I am safe in this moment. “Retraining your body and brain to feel safe in the world is a key part in healing trauma and becoming more emotionally connected to the world,” she says. Lastly, if you suffer from emotional detachment, you don’t have to do it alone—after all, isolation is a hallmark of this behavior. Ziskind and Tran emphasize the importance of sharing your feelings with the people you trust such as your partner, family, friends, or a trauma-informed therapist. It’ll help co-create fulfilling relationships where you both feel seen, heard, and understood. Take it from Tran: “Consistency, practice, patience, and compassion are all necessary on the journey of healing. While healing oftentimes can be painful and uncomfortable because it requires confronting what we’ve been avoiding, on the other side can be joy, freedom, peace, and more connection to ourselves and others we care about.”
