Next, there is the wish to have the cookie—“Me want cookie!"—which is now a second part of consciousness. Then there is the thought, “Oh no, cookies have gluten and calories, not for you,” and a third part is now in the mind. But then another part speaks up: “You’ve worked hard, you deserve that cookie, it’s OK…” In this common way of experiencing oneself (parts and more parts), it’s all too easy to push away parts that feel vulnerable, embarrassing, “bad,” or painful. It’s as if the mind is a big house with many rooms, and some of them are locked up for fear of what’s inside. As understandable as this is, it leads to problems. We make ourselves numb to keep the doors bolted shut. But the more repression, the less vitality and passion. The more parts we exile, the less we know ourselves. The more we hide, the more we fear being found out. Personally, by the time I got to college, it seemed like most of the rooms of my own mind were boarded up. Over the years, I’ve had to work on accepting all of myself. Through practicing what meditation teacher Tara Brach calls radical acceptance—including accepting yourself—you can reclaim every room in your mind while still acting appropriately. In fact, it is by opening up these rooms that you can best manage whatever they contain.
