Yes, all of those emotions are different, albeit they are on a similar plane. According to Harvard Medical School psychologist Susan David, Ph.D., we tend to mislabel our emotions—and especially stress. More often than not, she tells me on this episode of the mindbodygreen podcast, we file all the uncomfortable emotions we face under a giant umbrella of “stress,” without actually understanding what they truly mean. And if we can’t understand our difficult emotions, how in the world can we begin to handle them? Let’s take a deeper dive into stress, for example: “There is a world of difference between stress and disappointment, between stress and exhaustion,” David says. “When you label your emotions with such a big label, it doesn’t help you.” What does help you, however, is identifying what is actually underlying that “stress.” The same goes for sadness: Are you feeling lonely? Underappreciated? Defeated? They’re all unique emotions in their own right, and finding the right language for them is crucial in order to process them effectively. “Becoming more granular in labeling your emotion allows you to start noticing the cause of your emotion and recognizing what you need to put in place to deal with it,” adds David. First, try to figure out at least two other emotions you can identify with. If your initial thought is “I’m stressed,” what are two other options that emulate how you’re feeling in that moment? Remember to be specific and granular; that way, you’ll be able to get to the root of what you’re feeling rather than slapping on a giant “stress” label with no actionable ways to handle it. Once you identify those underlying emotions, “No longer are you stuck in, ‘I am stressed,’” says David. “You are ‘I am exhausted, so I need greater levels of self-care.’ It’s very different from just ‘stressed.’” The next step for dealing with those emotions, is to discover what values the emotion is pointing to: “We tend not to have strong emotions about things we don’t care about,” says David, and your difficult feelings can shed light on what’s important to you. For example, if you are lonely, do you yearn for social connection? Are you missing deep conversations with your partner? David says you can even write down the emotion on a piece of paper, flip it over, and note what values you think that emotion is signaling. Think of it as a road map for what your emotions are truly trying to tell you. After all, every emotion—even the ones that make you uncomfortable—have a purpose. As David notes, “You cannot begin to do any sort of moving forward or moving on until you have shown up to what is.” And correctly labeling “what is” is half the battle.
