One reason for that is the increased acceptance of living with a long-term partner without marriage: 55% of adults ages 18 to 29 think couples are just as well off if they stay together without ever getting married, compared to 45% who think long-term couples ought to get married eventually. And 69% of all adults say cohabitation is just fine with or without plans to get married. Polygamy (marriage between more than two people) is not legal in the United States, so some people who are in polyamorous relationships or other styles of nonmonogamy may choose to forgo marriage altogether because it doesn’t make sense for their relationships. “Marriage has often functioned as a way to validate and legitimize one’s relationship, and this has often violently come at the expense of excluding groups of people, including queer folkx,” psychotherapist Sabrina Sarro, LMSW, tells mbg. While now legal in the United States, this was not the case until 2015, undoubtedly changing the way that some queer people viewed long-term commitment. Jagoo says this is an instance where it’s helpful to pause and interrogate one’s aversion to marriage. She recommends therapy as a potential way to process these experiences and clarify your real feelings on the matter. “There can be issues with distorted thinking such as catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking, whereby one is not able to assess their situation as clearly due to belief systems, so therapy may be an opportunity to challenge automatic thoughts toward more balanced thinking based in reality,” Jagoo explains. “Generally, therapy can offer a nonjudgmental space whereby folx can reflect on the factors that may have impacted their views for or against getting married, including cultural and family expectations, financial stability, etc.” It’s OK to let people know you don’t want to get married. People will always have their opinions, but you can rest assured that your feelings are valid and that you are not obligated to work on anyone else’s timeline or definition of commitment. White is the founder and editor of UnSung Literary Magazine, a flash fiction and poetry publication focused on offering artistic space for marginalized voices. She is also a guest editor with Quail Bell Magazine and the co-host of Critiques for The Culture, a podcast where media is dissected through humor and a sociopolitical lens. She is a lover of words, inquisition, and community and has used her role within both literary and organizational spaces to make room for folks who are often cast aside.
