Here’s what to know about middle child syndrome, whether you’re a middle child or you’re raising one. As Paulette Sherman, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Dating From the Inside Out explains to mbg, many of the characteristics we associate with birth order today mirror what Adler described in this early theory. They include the following: When considering why middle children are the way they are, one comprehensive book by two therapists titled The Middle Generation Syndrome notes, “If there are only three children, the first gets to be the oldest and the youngest gets to be the baby. The middle child may be left out […] The closer the children are in age, the less energy the parents may have had to give, exacerbating the problem.” And there is some research suggesting that birth order might influence personality and mental health: For example, after analyzing 404 children, one 1988 paper in the Journal of Genetic Psychology1 found that first-born children were less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than middle and younger children. They also tended to report higher levels of self-esteem. But for every study finding that birth order traits are legit, there’s one that concludes they aren’t. One 2015 paper titled Examining the Effects of Birth Order on Personality states, “We consistently found no birth-order effects on extraversion, emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness, or imagination […] We must conclude that birth order does not have a lasting effect on broad personality traits outside of the intellectual domain.” In response to this research, another study, boldly titled “Settling the Debate on Birth Order and Personality2,” concludes that “birth order has little or no substantive relation to personality trait development and a minuscule relation to the development of intelligence.” So, middle child syndrome probably won’t be a bona-fide medical diagnosis anytime soon. But that’s not to say that middle children can’t relate to the common traits of “middle child syndrome” or benefit from paying attention to them. Here’s some background on what they are and how to use them to your advantage. This thinking might go beyond the home, too, and extend to school and friend groups. They also may try to find a role or identity somewhere else if they don’t feel as if they have one at home. They might cause a mess for seemingly no reason as a younger child or rebel in adolescence by intentionally infuriating their parents. Either way, they’re looking for the attention they feel they haven’t received. While, yes, it’s difficult for a child to grow up feeling ignored, there’s something to be said about having an example set by an older sibling, while also being a leader for a younger sibling. Sherman notes that middle children can make great colleagues and team players, for example, since they tend to know how to keep the peace. The sense of independence that some middle children feel in childhood can also serve them well later in life. Nevertheless, she adds, middle children might notice some aspects of their childhood make them grow up feeling a “lack of confidence, ignored, neglected, unimportant, or like nothing special.” Middle children can work through this by focusing on exercises to boost self-esteem and confidence. If these feelings of neglect or exclusion are negatively affecting your life, you can always seek the help of a mental health professional. And for parents who are raising middle children, Sherman explains that the most crucial thing is to make your middle child feel important and special. “Give them their own alone time and praise their accomplishments,” she notes. Family therapy may also help if you notice your child is having consistent issues with rebelling or acting out. She adds that interestingly enough, some psychologists suggest middle children are better matched with last-born kids as a partner because they can bring them out of their shell more. If you’re a middle child dating a middle child, you may need to watch out for bottling things up, she notes. The most important thing, though, is “not to leave them out or ignore them in a relationship,” she says. “It is good to praise their accomplishments and to let them know that they are special” and know they may like their independence and space, she adds.
