Sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter, LMFT, CST, says this nonverbal response is similar to “erection or engorging of the labia or the vulva, [where] the blood vessels open up to allow blood to flow in to cause engorgement, which then causes the nerves to become a bit more sensitive.” Just like your skin can’t help but tingle when the person you like touches you, your pupils will dilate as they process attraction. Some body language cues that are signs of attraction in men: Conversely, you might not want to pursue a date that noticeably pulls away from you when you lean in since that’s not indicative of a romantic or sexual dynamic. “People begin to mirror each other when they’re comfortable,” explains Geter. When the object of your affection finds you attractive, mimicking the things you do will be their way to show you they’re engaged in your interaction. Although opposites attract, people tend to like those they have more in common with—the more alike you are, the more you’ll grow to like each other, and the stronger your bond will be. Similar to how blood rises to the surface of your skin when you’re flushed or blushing, an increase in body temperature will elicit the same physical response, but what follows is sweat because of your rapid heart rate. We often sweat because of physical exertion, stress, or anxiety, but the increase in your body’s temperature is also a byproduct of sexual response. “There’s some kind of attraction present,” Geter notes, “but it might not always be an emotional attraction, so take some time to understand [if they’re] having an emotional attraction or just the physical.” If you want to be certain, behavior analyst Jack Schafer, Ph.D., suggests increasing the mutual gaze by maintaining eye contact as you turn your head to break the gaze. “The other person doesn’t perceive your extended gaze as staring because your head is turning. If the person you’re with maintains eye contact, they like you.” Here’s the caveat: If your love interest is on the autism spectrum or struggles with social anxiety, Geter says extended eye contact would make them uncomfortable. Rather than assume their lack of interest, she says, “It may just be this one particular behavior is uncomfortable for them, or it’s a sign of nervousness.” Granted, nervous glitches could be a sign of someone’s disinterest, too. If they check their watch or phone a lot or distract themselves with something on the table rather than give you eye contact, that could mean they’re uncomfortable or want to leave. Sometimes, these signs differ by gender. Signs of attraction from a woman include softer touches. “Women may lightly touch the arm of the person they’re talking to,” Schafer says. It’s not an invitation to a sexual encounter, so don’t misinterpret the signal; “it merely means she likes you.” On the other hand, a man may place his hand on the crook of your elbow or tuck your hair behind your ear. Plus, there’s always this age-old sign: When a guy puts his hand on your lower back to guide you as you walk across the street or onto the dance floor, that’s often a sign of attraction. (You may want to try the famous 36 questions to fall in love, or these conversation starters for couples can also be great for the courtship phase.) All things said, Geter says a major key when you search for a partner is to “connect with someone who has the same level of response to you because that’s obviously someone who’s on your wavelength.” Otherwise, you might wind up in an anxious cycle with someone who toys with your feelings. When in doubt, if you’re not sure if someone likes you, just ask.
