The term was coined by clinical psychologist and expert on narcissism Craig Malkin, Ph.D., and people who exhibit traits of echoism—my younger self included—tend to be vulnerable to abuse from dark personality types, including narcissists and various types of psychopaths. Subtle echoists keep close tabs on their requests, afraid to cross the line into selfishness; however, in all our lives, there are points when we inadvertently need more. This is where subtle echoists start to experience emotional distress and breakdown in their daily functioning. “At the heart of healthy narcissism is the capacity to love and be loved on a grand scale. People who live in the center of the spectrum don’t always take to the stage, but when they do, they often lift others up with them,” he explains. “People who live in the center know when their grandiosity is getting the better of them. They know when they’re getting too caught up in themselves.” Here’s how to cope with being an echoist and practice building those muscles of healthy narcissism: Curate your “jaw of awesome,” as Tim Ferriss calls it. This is your list of everything awesome you’ve done—what you’ve added or subtracted from your life, mental breakthroughs, improvements, etc. It doesn’t matter if you judge them as “too small/silly/easy.” All that matters is that it means something to you. Ultimately, there is a deep fear of being unhealthily narcissistic, and what echoists fail to realize is that they have deep reserves of empathy which the narcissist lacks. I often frame it this way with my clients: Imagine you have a good karma bank that is fat and earning compound interest. If you were to simply be a little less echoist, you are merely drawing from the interest. There are tons of reserves left. “People feel closer to us when we allow ourselves to become a gleam in their eyes,” Malkin says. “Enjoying our moments on the pedestal elevates not only us but also those we love.” She has been featured in Elle, Forbes, and Business Insider and has previously worked with Olympians, business professionals, and individuals seeking to master their psychological capital. She works globally in English and Mandarin-Chinese via Skype and Facetime, blending cutting-edge neuroscience, psychology, and ancient wisdom.
