Eloping has almost become an umbrella term, as it could still describe a “runaway” situation between two lovers who want to get married, but it can also be a small destination wedding, a courthouse wedding, or even a spur-of-the-moment wedding. People who elope typically have 20 guests or fewer at their wedding ceremony, if they have any at all, compared to the traditional wedding that may have anywhere from 100 to 300+ guests. “Couples often want to elope if they feel anxious or overwhelmed by family demands or family drama on either side,” psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg. “When they elope, they can avoid the stress of issues like who you seat where and which relatives or friends to invite or not.” And as licensed marriage and family therapist Weena Cullins, LCMFT, notes, this also relates to the “disapproving family” factor that made eloping what it was in the past. “A couple may want to elope when they want to avoid judgment or disapproval about their decision to wed from others,” she explains. Planning an elopement can also still involve any of the elements of a wedding that you might still be interested in, like getting a fancy wedding dress, exchanging rings, and having a formal “I do” moment in a beautiful, scenic location. That means, depending on what you choose to include for your special day, you will still need to plan at least some of these logistics—so be prepared for that and do your research. Cullins also says it’s important to consider the loved ones in your life. “Couples should give consideration beforehand to how they might feel if some of their closest friends or family members are truly hurt by not being included.” While it is your wedding and only you can know what’s right for you, she adds that some people believe marriage is the joining of two families. “The way those families are incorporated in the wedding process can be critical in shaping their relationships for the future.” Eloping is a sensitive topic, Spinelli adds, and many couples are afraid they’ll hurt the feelings of their families and friends. Ultimately, though, “Remember that eloping is truly about what you want as a couple. Give yourself permission to focus on the kind of experience you want without the guilt,” she says. You can go extremely small and simple with your elopement (think: the courthouse), or you can choose to do something small and private but still extravagant (a fancy dress, photographer, and more). There are even wedding planners, photographers, and other vendors who specialize in elopements, so do your research and decide what makes sense for you and your partner. For example, you can write personal vows, use heirlooms and keepsakes in the ceremony, and photograph and/or record the experience, she says. “Express your why. Share why it’s important for you as a couple and what it means to you,” she says, adding that by telling them face-to-face, “they can connect with your emotions about why you are eloping.” Be prepared for different reactions, Cullins adds, especially if your reason for eloping is to purposefully avoid conflict or drama. But remember that regardless of reactions, Spinelli says, “this truly needs to be about your wants and needs on your special day.” Spinelli says you can choose to keep your family involved and share the details with them, and even host a photo viewing gathering of the ceremony when you return, for example. The wedding is your oyster, so it’s all about what you want, who you want to include, and how you want to celebrate.
