I can remember it so clearly. It was a gorgeous summer day and I was about to hop in the shower when my phone rang. The sound of his voice sent chills down my spine. He told me to come to his house because he had something to tell me. My heart sank to the bottom of my chest — I thought he was going to call off the wedding. What could be worse than that? My reality was shattered, but I couldn’t process the thought of leaving him. The wedding venue was already booked and his parents had just bought us our dream home. 250 invitations were in the mail and all I could think was, “What’s everyone else going to think?” I could feel his pain as he looked at me and told me he couldn’t marry me unless I knew the truth. I convinced myself that, since he came to me and was honest, it wouldn’t happen again and we could still have our dream life. So, I decided not to tell anyone, and we moved forward with the wedding. That was the moment I knew I would keep this secret forever. But one year into our marriage, my husband did it again. And then, again. I expected things to get better, and every time I realized nothing was going to change, a piece of my soul left the relationship. Four years later, I finally gained the courage to leave. I felt a sense of pride when I walked away, but I had no idea who I was anymore. Leaving was only the beginning. Some of my most difficult moments came over the next six years, as I worked to find my new identity and fall back in love with myself. Here are four things I now know to be true looking back on my dysfunctional relationship, and my hesitancy to walk away from it. Healthy boundaries and expectations are important tools in maintaining your value and making sure you’re as happy on the inside as you look on the outside. Relationship boundaries should include mutual respect for each other’s opinions, needs, and feelings. There should be a fair amount compromise, but you should never compromise yourself. You have to take the time to learn about yourself, what you stand for, and what you need from your relationship. I stayed in a relationship with an unfaithful partner for so long because I didn’t want to disappoint the people who were invested in us — including myself. It’s not easy to walk away from everything you thought your life was going to be, but the strength and courage it takes to do so already lies inside of you. You just have to set it free. Related reads:
