According to Merriam-Webster, ghosting is “the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc.” The abruptness of ghosting can give the false impression that it’s a clean break, but it’s actually a pretty messy one that tends to leave singles confused and wary of putting themselves out there again. Although ghosting is never the right way to go about breaking up with someone, the reasons for doing it can be complicated: If someone’s not interested in you or feels like they haven’t invested that much time in the relationship, then they may feel they “don’t owe you anything or owe you that ending conversation,” explains counselor Shae Ivie-Williams, LPC, BC-TMH, CCTP. It’s also hard to gauge someone’s level of interest in or expectations for a relationship without having upfront conversations. Getting ghosted becomes less shocking when you’ve already set expectations and have a clear understanding of what page the other person is on. With all the apps and different mediums to connect with people today, dating can also feel extremely overwhelming in general at times. A natural reaction to that is to remove yourself from certain spaces, and for some, that space may be dating. Ending communication altogether isn’t the most effective way to go about things, but in the moment it can seem like the least complicated. Sometimes taking breaks from dating due to dating burnout is necessary, and unfortunately, people can be collateral damage in the process. RELATED: 3 Positive Ways To Respond When You’ve Been Ghosted People who have either of these attachment styles “may not want to have those hard conversations because maybe their family didn’t have hard conversations when they were young,” says Ivie-Williams. “And so having those types of conversations involves vulnerability or being truthful with how you feel about that person.” These trigger responses have a lot to do with anxiety. And while anxiety can be helpful because it acts as a threat detector and pushes people to seek out safety, “some people may have so much anxiety that is overriding other parts of their system that they perceive threats where there are none,” says Ivie-Williams. RELATED: Have You Been Zombied? A Closer Look Into The Dating Trend Ghosting can create unease and leave situations with loose ends, and those looking for feedback may have appreciated a conversation. But Ivie-Williams also points out that “it takes a level of emotional intelligence and maturity to be ready for those types of conversation, because you have to be ready to potentially hear something about yourself that you didn’t know or wasn’t something you wanted to hear.” So, do a mental check-in with yourself and ask, if the person who ghosted you came back to give you an explanation, would you be ready to hear it? If you’re planning to respond to someone ghosting you, Louis suggests practicing deep breathing techniques and rehearsing what you want to say to in your mind so that you’re able to have a clear understanding of “what you want to communicate to the other person.” That said, it’s important to remember that while you’re at the center of your dating life, you’re not responsible for every little thing that goes on within it and you can’t take responsibility for everybody’s actions toward you. “It may be the time to get more introspection into what’s going on in your life and make sure that you have a healthy attachment with yourself and others,” suggests Ivie-Williams. The conclusion of any relationship can come with a grieving period. Everyone holds onto and moves on from rejection differently, but it’s important to treat yourself with grace and give yourself time to feel better about the situation.
